


Latticework Vagabonds

by Saerzion



Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, F/F, Fallout Kink Meme, Jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-03-31 18:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3987553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saerzion/pseuds/Saerzion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the early days of Project Purity, Madison Li finds herself on the outside looking in as the relationship between James and Catherine blossoms. But despite her place in the background, intricate emotions persist between her and another, woven in a lattice that binds them together. Perpetual changes abound, as the world never stands still for those with the hearts of vagabonds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**(2255)**

Madison watched them across the lab, witnessing their furtive touches—fingers lingering as they exchanged papers—and felt her own grip tighten around her pen. James, handsome and usually so well-composed, leaned over to say something in a low tone, his hazel eyes twinkling with mischief. And in her crystalline voice, Catherine laughed loud enough to draw the amused stares of the other Project Purity scientists.

Just another typical day at the Jefferson Memorial.

The couple then separated, urged to productivity by Catherine as she gave James’s shoulder a playful shove and told him to get back to work at his own desk. She still grinned as she said so, her pearly white teeth contrasting with her dark skin tone. He complied, but not before shooting her a wink and a roguish smile. Even from a great distance away at the other end of the floor, Madison saw how they wore their hearts on their sleeves.

She fought down the familiar bitterness that crept up her throat, squashed the recurring jealousy by forcing herself to concentrate on her research.

x-x-x-x-x

“We’re ready to begin development on the primary filtration system,” James announced, gesturing to the hand-drawn charts mounted on the board next to him. “The Brotherhood has agreed to allocate some of their reserve materials to us, and we should be able to start construction within the week.”

Madison sighed in relief, mumbling a terse, “ _Thank God_ ,” for their breakthrough progress while the other team members cheered and clapped. She peered around the meeting room and spotted Catherine beaming from the other side of the long table. Wisps of curly black hair had escaped her ponytail, and Madison couldn’t help staring as James finished up his briefing.

Pride glowed there, clear even from her side profile. Catherine’s emotions and thoughts, no matter the content, always rose to the surface, entwined as a tangible lattice. It comprised everything she was, showing the world her character with an openness not many others could replicate. Madison found it implausible, enviable… but most of all, admirable.

Suddenly, Catherine turned her head, bringing the two women’s lines of sight together. Madison tore hers away before she could read the other’s face. Her vision burned into the notes in front of her, and she felt her pulse race with trepidation.

“So, how does drinks tonight for the whole team sound?” James asked over the festive commotion, looking pleased as he rolled up his charts. “There is plenty of work ahead, but for now, I’d say we deserve to celebrate.”

Madison stiffened when his gaze fell on her. He offered her a smile, but she only gave him a curt nod and gathered her papers. Without glancing at either him or Catherine again, she stood and made her quiet exit from the room.

x-x-x-x-x

A knock sounded on her bedroom door.

She exhaled in annoyance and closed the pre-War novel she had been leafing through but not reading for two hours straight. Using her legs to push her chair from her desk, she swiveled around, staying seated, and called for the visitor to come in.

The door slid open, revealing James and his crooked grin.

“Good evening, Madison,” he greeted, his hands in the pockets of his lab coat as he stepped inside.

“Yes?” she returned, the single brusque word a telling indication of her feelings on his intrusion.

He shut the door behind him and ventured farther inside. “Not in the mood for a glass of wine with everyone else? We found a bottle from 2068. It’s terrible, but as they say: the more you drink, the better it tastes.”

Madison ignored his lighthearted chuckle and crossed her arms when he came to stand over her. “Where’s Catherine?”

“Inebriated.”

“Of course.” She shook her head. _That woman will get tipsy just from taking a whiff of alcohol._

James hovered in place for a few awkward seconds. He seemed uncertain and troubled, two details that did not interest Madison. Once he found his voice again, a heavy sigh accompanied his words.

“I want to apologize. About Catherine,” he began, running his fingers through the short waves of his light brown hair. “I did not mean to… that is, I know how you must—”

“I understand,” she said, and she did. She herself had experienced how complex and fickle matters of the heart could be. For that, she did not fault them.

“That’s the part that makes it worse,” James told her, eyes downcast. “Your understanding is appreciated, but we know you probably suffer for it.”

Madison drummed her fingernails on her arm. _So you two are ‘we’ now? That was quick._

“Things just happened so fast, and the three of us never had a chance to sit down and talk it over,” James declared, now studying her expression. “But would you like to discuss it? I know Catherine has been wanting to…”

“No.” Short and to the point, but the refusal contained no malice. “She and I already had a talk when it started. How I feel about it is my own problem, and it won’t interfere with my work or my professional relationship with either of you. You two deserve to be happy.”

“You’re still a friend to us, Madison. I’d really rather clear the air between us.”

Too drained for a prolonged argument, she sent him a tired look. “I work through my hang-ups better on my own. I’m already aware this is on me. And I know you mean well, but if you want to do something for me, give me my space. Please.”

James regarded her in silence, the sadness and exasperation mingling across his countenance. She waited for him to accept it, just as she had accepted his new relationship with Catherine. She did not have to wait long, for James was a man of courtesy.

“All right. But if you change your mind and want to talk, please feel free to approach either of us,” he stated.

“Well, there is one thing I want to say.”

“Yes, go on.”

Madison’s eyes hardened into a glare, and she sat up straighter as she allowed the indignation to rear its head for the first time. “Don’t do anything to hurt her.”

James registered the demand and then nodded solemnly. “You have my word.”

x-x-x-x-x

A day or two crept by, and Madison continued on as usual.

She found it a little easier to ignore the lovebirds now that the ice had cracked. Her hours went into her assigned tasks, and she willingly lost herself in the endless note-taking, testing, and building. Her devotion to Project Purity’s goals carried her through every flirtatious quip across the lab, every glimpse of interlaced fingers, every reflexive stab to her chest whenever her apathy slipped. She often moved from workstation to workstation, unable to sit still, her heart a wandering vagabond that her mind couldn’t hope to tame.

And although she shared everyone else’s elation over the leaps and bounds they had made on the project, she saw the toll it all took on her.

The mirror pulled no punches when it shoved her reflection into her face, showing every premature wrinkle, every stress line that aged her beyond her twenty-six years. Slanted brown eyes weighed down by bags, full lips dry and chapped from much absentminded licking. Her long black hair, normally tied up in a neat bun, looked dull and fell straight down over her bare shoulders. She acknowledged her diminished beauty and finished dressing, flicking off the unforgiving lights on her way out of the bathroom.

Her bedroom felt cool when she padded barefoot across the floor, a sign that someone had managed to fix the ventilation system. The draft that flowed in from the vents seeped right through her cotton nightshirt and raised goosebumps on her skin. As soon as she resolved to speak to someone in the morning about setting an adequate temperature for the living quarters, something rapped at her door.

She checked the time on the glowing terminal at her desk. One o’clock in the morning. Another night owl lurked in their midst?

When she answered the door, more than the physical one opened.

Catherine stood there in her striped pajamas, curly hair uncombed and in disarray. She wore an expression that spoke of melancholy, remorse, and something else implicit, woven alongside tendrils of insecurity and fear. A complicated lattice.

Madison blinked once, twice, unable to come up with a suitable presumption for this late-night visit. “Catherine?” was the best she could do.

“Could I come in?” the other woman asked, voice held in a whisper, as if hidden from a lover.

“Um, sure,” Madison said. She stepped aside and motioned her in.

Once the door slid closed behind Catherine, the chill left the room. She dawdled near the entrance until Madison muttered for her to take a seat on the bed, as it was the most comfortable piece of furniture in the undecorated space. The mattress creaked beneath Catherine’s weight as she sat down, and Madison plopped on the desk chair across from her, the winding starting in her gut.

“What’s this about?” Madison inquired, working to maintain an unassuming tone.

Catherine fidgeted with the hem of her pajama shirt. “James told me he spoke to you the other night. Concerning more personal matters.”

“He did, but we finished the conversation amicably enough. Why are you losing sleep over it?”

“Because I didn’t get my say.”

Madison’s brow furrowed. “You and I already talked, though. At the beginning of this. Like I said before, no hard feelings. But you two trying to open a conversation about it is making it that much harder for me to move on.”

Catherine glanced downward before gazing at her from under her lashes. “ _I_ haven’t moved on.”

A faint pounding noise filled the air. It took Madison a few seconds to realize it was her own heartbeat thundering in her ears. “What?”

“I know, it’s unfair of me to say that. But it’s the truth. I mean, I’m happy with him. I really am,” Catherine remarked, open and honest, but also steadfast. Beguiling. “Still, even given all that… I can’t stop thinking about you, Maddie.”

Madison froze at the sound of her nickname, spoken on crystals of affection, as sweet as it had been in the past. She had no answer to it, and so remained silent. An invisible bond, dormant but never severed, awoke at that moment for the first time in months.

Catherine frowned, seeming to sense her quiet alarm. “Will you say something? I don’t know what to do here.”

Madison snapped out of her paralysis and brought up a hand to rub her forehead. “What… do you want me to say? If you’re happy with him, why are you telling me this?”

“I just thought you needed to know.”

“We work together every day, and you come to my room in the middle of the night to give me this message?” Madison questioned, almost incredulous. “That you still think about me?”

“That I still love you.”

The world around them stopped in that instant, and only they existed in the distorted time warp of their converging past and present. Madison struggled to find words, but they abandoned her in light of her shock. She searched Catherine’s face, but needn’t. The truth always resided there, etched across the darker woman’s features like text in an open book.

A lie would have been easier to confront.

“What do you want from me, Cat?” Madison finally demanded as soon as she regained her speech. “Are you looking to string me along? I don’t like playing these games. James is a good man. You shouldn’t put him through this while you make up your mind.”

“James already knows,” Catherine said, somber and wistful as she rose to her feet.

Madison leaned back in her chair when Catherine approached her in slow steps. “And…?”

“He told me to do what I needed to do.”

Before she grasped what was happening, Catherine straddled her right over the chair. Delicate arms slipped around her neck, a familiar scent entering her senses as curly-textured hair tickled her chin. Catherine melded against her in a warm embrace, her face tucked into the junction of Madison’s shoulder and neck. Madison had no idea what to make of this, no clue how to react. She merely sat there with Catherine in her lap, thinking of all the effort she’d put forth in getting over her—now tossed out the window.

However, at the same time, an inexplicable joy swept through her, gathering beneath her sternum, reminding her just how much she had missed Catherine in this regard. Slowly, her wariness eased, and she allowed herself these stolen moments of intimacy, even if they were temporary. Even if she got hurt again.

Without saying anything, she lifted her arms and held her former paramour against her.

Catherine shifted her head back, limbs still locked around Madison, but the movement allowed her to see her expression. “I guess the question I should ask is… do you still love me, Maddie?”

There, in the small space between them, the latticework of their complex emotions for each other emerged and took shape.

Madison studied her, seeing her own longing reflected in her eyes. “I’ve never stopped.”

Catherine smiled, a vision of beauty underneath the fluorescent light. Then, closing the remaining distance between them, she pressed her lips to Madison’s in a soft, chaste kiss. The simple contact broke the walls around her guarded center, and she cupped Catherine’s face in her hands, kissing her back with the desperation of one clinging to a fleeting dream. The other woman laughed against her lips and urged her even closer, bringing about a sense of belonging, of rekindled perfection, to this bend in time.

One did have to consider whether such a thing could last, for a heart could not wander between two for long.

Then again, maybe Catherine’s heart was as much a vagabond as her own.


	2. Chapter 2

**(2256)**

The arrangement continued for one year, one month, and fifteen days.

Catherine and James remained strong in their relationship, a power couple of intellect and grace that inspired those who worked around them. They led Project Purity through another two phases, making considerable strides in the progress toward their shared dream of clean water. To everyone else, they exemplified the perfect partnership, both in romance and vocation. Their genuine happiness reflected in their actions, and soon people began to idolize them as a rare Wasteland fairytale.

Madison allowed the onlookers their wistful musings, for the story ran deeper than what they saw on the surface. During the nights Catherine lay in her bed, wrapped in her arms and pressed against her body, she wondered how disillusioned the others would become if they knew the truth. A heart belonging to more than one other wasn't unheard of by any means, but polyamory had little to do with the tangled web of Catherine's intricate emotions.

By day, James and Madison maintained fluid professionalism toward each other. Nothing seemed amiss, and no one outside the lattice had an inkling of the inner workings. The only acknowledgment they exchanged of their shared lover came in the form of meaningful nods and knowing glances. It had become a silent communication system between them, developed out of necessity and respect for all involved. Sometimes, Catherine took to James's bed. Other times, she spent the night in Madison's. Ever the wanderer, from one to the other. But never all together; never all at once.

Madison, for her part, accepted the stipulations. To her, only Catherine existed, and even only half was better than nothing. Some would say she had discarded her standards and dignity to settle for this torrid affair, in which the object of her affections took her piece by piece and gave little in return. Madison couldn't bring herself to care. Once, a long time ago, she had been ready to give all of herself to Catherine.

But vagabond as she was, Catherine had turned down the marriage proposal, and soon after, James had entered the picture.

Forgiveness proved the dominant trait in Madison's character, at least when it concerned the love of her life. She found herself tested on this one day in the rotunda, where she had taken on the solo task of documenting readings on the purifier prototype. Catherine strode in, looking immaculate in her lab coat and low-heeled pumps.

Madison glimpsed her over the purifier console and smiled. "Hey there."

However, Catherine did not reciprocate the smile. Her dark brown eyes seemed tight and troubled as she climbed the metal stairs to Madison's position. "I need to talk to you, Maddie."

The atmosphere grew tense. Anxiety spiked. A clipboard holding several papers clattered onto the console.

Madison took Catherine's hands in hers as soon as she reached her, trying to gauge the source of her distress. "What's wrong?"

"It's actually… not something that's _wrong_ , per se, depending on how you look at it," Catherine replied, avoiding her gaze. "But things have to change a little again."

Impatience surged across her pounding heart, and Madison grabbed Catherine's jaw to force her eye contact. "Tell me."

"James proposed."

Madison faltered, forgot how to breathe. In a flash, an unbidden memory came, where she herself had fallen to one knee before Catherine, only to be rejected for reasons never put into words. And now, witnessing the difference in Catherine's face, she dreaded the question she already knew the answer to.

"Cat…" she croaked out, her throat closing. "So… then…"

"I said yes."

x-x-x-x-x

The months dragged by in a torturous haze, filled with strained civility and quiet resentment. Apologies had been accepted, but the offense still lingered. And in spite of all that, the call of the siren retained its potent effect. Madison blamed herself whenever she ended up back in the embrace of an engaged woman, having succumbed to Catherine's allure every single time. While the trysts had become limited and even more clandestine in nature, Madison admitted to a certain degree of smugness that she still laid claim to a part of James's betrothed.

James himself either remained unaware of their ongoing relations or feigned obliviousness to it. He treated Madison with the same amity he always had and even thanked her once in a while for her understanding of his relationship with Catherine. She felt a smidgen of guilt during those instances, although she always justified herself with the notion that he had proposed to Catherine in a purposeful attempt to monopolize her. Whether that proved true or false had yet to be seen, but she did still harbor a certain respect for James. If she hadn't been in love with Catherine herself, she would have given her up to him at the very start.

Things skidded to yet another halt, however, when Catherine rolled on top of her one night and asked her to be her maid of honor, a position she had always reserved for a close sister figure. The request and wording hit Madison like a slap in the face, and she pushed herself into a sitting position, glaring as Catherine sat back on her haunches on the bed. A throbbing ache began in Madison's chest, but it yielded when a palpable limit clicked into place. Had their circumstances not already eroded her tolerance over the past year and a half, she might have agreed at the cost of her remaining self-respect.

But at this point, enough was enough.

"You're going to have to make a choice, Catherine. I can't be your sister and your lover at the same time."

Catherine lowered her eyes and ran trembling fingers through her long mane of curly hair. "I know. I'm sorry. I've put you through a lot because I can't help how I feel about you." A pause, a jaded sigh. "It's like I'm tearing myself in two here. Maddie, in another life, it would have been you. I feel it inside; our souls were always meant to be together." She reached out and stroked Madison's cheek, the genuine love radiating in her gaze. Then, all too swiftly, a tormented quality chased it away. "But my heart chose him."

And with that, the vagabond gave up the wandering life to settle on a home.

Madison nodded, disguising her misery beneath a neutral countenance. No further words needed to be said, as they both sensed a door closing on one future that could have been. Silently, as if already a mere memory, Catherine slipped from the mattress and donned her clothes. Madison grappled with herself, wanting to protest, to break her habit of accepting every curveball of misfortune thrown at her. But she suppressed it, buried it, far too tired of dealing with her own possessiveness and envy to restart the cycle. When it came down to it, her love for Catherine was unconditional at the core.

So she let her go.

Without a word, Catherine wiped the tears from her face and left Madison's bedroom for the last time.

In the unbearable emptiness that followed, the latticework of their entwined hearts unraveled and faded away.

x-x-x-x-x

**(2257)**

The timeworn lace felt delicate under her fingers as she finished buttoning the elegant neckline of the gown. Her knuckles loitered there at the nape of the other's neck, brushing against the off-white material before gliding down the bride's back. Catherine shivered and started to lean into her touch, but seemed to catch herself at the last second. She broke their contact by stepping forward, lifting up the gown's lacy train as she turned to face her. Madison stayed quiet as Catherine fixed her with a bittersweet look of gratitude and residual yearning, a plethora of unspoken things locked in the depths of her eyes.

They regarded each other as such in the stillness, the jovial clamor outside seeping into the Jefferson Memorial's gift shop. Madison couldn't take her gaze off Catherine even if she wanted to, struck as she was by the sight of the other woman in her wedding dress. A family heirloom, Catherine had called it, exquisite in its pre-War design and well-preserved. She adjusted the lacy sleeves and smoothed down the fabric from the pearl-lined bodice to the mermaid style skirt. Her curly black hair had been tamed into side-swept waves that flowed over her left shoulder, and her dark skin took on a flattering contrast against the light shade of the lace. She held a bouquet of chandelier crystals in her hand, given to her by Owyn Lyons himself as a wedding gift.

Madison swallowed the lump in her throat. Although she had played the part of the dutiful maid of honor ever since stepping down to best friend status, she failed to contain the enduring heartbreak that wedged itself into her conscious thoughts. While she knew Catherine never intended to be cruel, no other word described the situation as it stood. The rest of their colleagues rejoiced the impending union, and Madison once again found herself to be an outsider peering into the tempered glass of Catherine and James's relationship.

However, despite that, she cared too much about Catherine's happiness to simply walk away.

Forcing a small smile, she took the veil from its stand and draped it over the bride's head, pinning the ivory comb into place. Layers of tulle settled over them, and Madison pushed them back and arranged each section to fall over the train. She leaned close to Catherine as she did so, slowing her motions once the last of the tulle drifted down. Her hands inched back and stopped around Catherine's jawline when their eyes met, an electric spark flashing between them to signal its last.

In an abrupt movement, Madison crushed her mouth to Catherine's in a final, desperate kiss. It spoke of everything she'd left unstated, every desire, every ounce of pain their ill-fated romance had put her through. It burned around them, leaving a searing trail of history that would persist through time. But above all, it asked for nothing back other than recognition, the wish for Catherine to understand she'd given everything she had, even if she fell short at the end.

Just as quickly, Madison broke the kiss and released her. "Sorry to cut in on the groom. I figured that was my last chance to do that."

Catherine stared back at her, half-dazed, a whirlwind of indecipherable elements flitting across her expression. "Maddie…"

"I won't do it again. Promise. I just wanted a taste of what it would've been like," Madison told her, reaching out to trace the shape of her high cheekbones. "Now come on. Let's get you married."

Catherine turned toward the door as Madison gathered her train. "What it would've been like?"

"You said it yourself," Madison remarked in a quiet tone. "Our souls were supposed to be together. In another life, you would have been _my_ bride."

x-x-x-x-x

Half a year passed into late December.

Madison, along with the rest of the Project Purity scientists, felt the heat of pressure when the Brotherhood pulled another dozen knights from the memorial. The paladins cited the need for more troops at the Citadel to replace the ones that had defected to the Outcasts, but the team suspected their lack of project results as the true cause of the reassignments. Progress had reached a virtual standstill several months back, when research and construction hit a brick wall. Issues with calculations, tests, and resources all played a part, and the process of resolving each matter took longer than any of them had anticipated.

As chief scientist, James did what he could to keep morale up. He worked longer hours, shouldered bigger workloads, drafted more frequent reports, and assured the others he was fine when they voiced concerns about his health. Madison tried to help where she could, especially since she had noticed Catherine feeling under the weather for some time now. The two women hadn't had much contact with each other in recent weeks, and while they had managed to settle into an intimate but platonic friendship since the wedding, Madison worried that something may have gone wrong.

She ruminated over Catherine's whereabouts on the third day of her absence from work. Madison refrained from questioning James, who looked worse for wear across the lab as he squinted at his terminal after pulling an all-nighter. She glanced at the stacks of papers requiring data entry on her own desk. Although she had been the one to volunteer to process them, the inclination to check up on Catherine overrode her sense of duty.

Ensuring no one noticed, she discreetly moved away from her station and sneaked out.

Minutes later, she knocked on the door to James and Catherine's makeshift apartment near the end of the living quarters. At first, only silence greeted her. Then, as she prepared to knock again, the muffled sound of retching from inside reached her ears. Alarmed, she tried the button for the door, and when it slid open, she hurried into the premises. A toilet flushed inside the bathroom, and Catherine emerged after several seconds, unkempt and ashen-faced.

"Oh my God. Cat," Madison gasped, rushing over to take the other woman by the arm. "Are you sick? Here, sit down."

Despite her frail appearance, Catherine managed a throaty laugh as Madison helped her lower herself into the nearest chair. "I'll be okay, Maddie, thanks. What are you doing here, though?"

"I snuck away from work to see how you were feeling. Good thing I did because you look halfway dead," Madison said, kneeling down in front of her to check her pupils. "Should I go grab James? What are you ill with?"

Again, Catherine only chuckled at her distress. "No, it's all right. This will pass, don't worry. I'll be out of commission for a while, but I should be back on my feet in no time." At Madison's skeptical expression, she continued, "Say, Maddie, can I ask you something?"

"Of course. Anything."

"What is your favorite name?"

Madison paused at the off-topic question. "What?"

"Just humor me here. What is your favorite name, any name, in the whole world?"

 _Is this a way to distract her from her sickness? If it helps, I'll play along._ "Well, my mother's name was Alexandra," Madison replied after a minute of thought. "I always found it very beautiful."

"Alexandra," Catherine repeated, her eyes brightening. "I love it. Would you happen to like the male variation, Alexander, too?"

"Um, sure. I like all names containing 'Alex.' What's this about, Cat?"

A radiant smile spread over Catherine's mouth as she took Madison's hand and pressed it to her stomach. "I want you to be a part of this, Maddie."

Madison sensed, rather than physically felt, a third heartbeat that thrummed between them. Her lips parted as it dawned on her. "You're pregnant."

x-x-x-x-x

**(2258)**

A shrill cry filled the clinic as Madison cleared the mucus from the breathing passages and wrapped the newborn baby in a blanket. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest as she moved the healthy infant onto the small padded examination table next to Catherine's birthing bed. James came up beside her, his breath hitching from behind his surgical mask. She gave the new parents a few minutes with their child, stepping over to the nearby counter to switch out her soiled medical gloves for clean ones.

Once the cries quieted down, and James brought over the gene projector screen to get an approximate picture of what the baby would look like in adulthood, Madison went to Catherine's other side. The exhausted mother turned to her and beamed, reaching out for her hand to lace their fingers together. Madison pulled down her surgical mask and placed a kiss on Catherine's palm before brushing the sweat-dampened curly locks from her forehead. The harrowing labor had passed, and she couldn't begin to describe her relief that both mother and child had come out of it all right.

The father, on the other hand, looked about ready to collapse with joy. Both Madison and Catherine laughed at the way James's chest had inflated as he fawned over the baby. No prouder father existed on Earth at this moment.

Although she had no actual connection to this new family unit, Madison appreciated how Catherine had gone to great lengths to include her in the pregnancy, as well as her intention to include her in the child's life. It helped to ease the dull ache that still echoed deep inside, the perpetual reminder that Madison would never be anything more than a peripheral link in Catherine's world. Some days proved more difficult than others, but if given the choice to bear or erase it, she would have picked this tumultuous road each time.

The hearts walked apart, but the souls remained tethered in an underlying lattice.

They watched James as he bonded with the new life in his hands, a sight that comprised a blessing in this ravaged, war-torn land. Such moments numbered few across the Wastes, and so those fortunate enough to experience them treasured each instance. Madison wondered if maybe someday she could do the same, but for now, she was willing to be a bystander outside the dividing glass.

All of a sudden, Catherine's grip on her hand tightened. "James? James… something's… something's…"

The monitor displaying Catherine's heartrate abruptly went haywire, indicating oncoming cardiac arrest. James flew into action, and Madison tried to do the same, but Catherine continued to hold onto her. Fighting down her panic, she attempted to free herself.

"Catherine, you have to let me go. I need to grab the equipment."

However, the other woman only shook her head, something switching in her face. "No… this… I don't know if I…"

A wave of dread crashed over Madison, coupled with desperation and ire. " _You have to let me go. Let me save you._ "

While James yanked the automated external defibrillator into position, Catherine gazed up at her, things already shutting down in her eyes.

Madison's blood ran cold. "Stay with me, Cat."

"Sorry, I… can't—"

" _Catherine_!"

This couldn't be happening. Just when everything had started looking up for all of them. Just when they had started to move forward together. But now, the light that had always surrounded Catherine began to dwindle and wane.

"No, no, no… don't give up, Catherine, please—"

"I love you, Madison," she whispered, finally releasing her hand.

Madison refused to accept it even as she felt the sting of tears. Good bye was not an option. But as Catherine's vitals dropped at a frightening rate, reality struck. Fate revealed itself to have horrible timing; a distorted, winding clock. It was harsh, callous, vindictive…

Fate was merciless.

Choking back a sob, Madison bent down and pressed her lips to Catherine's forehead. "I love you. Always."

"Madison, I'll take care of her. Get the baby out of here!" James ordered, applying the AED electrode pads over Catherine's chest. "Move! Now!"

It took all her willpower to tear herself away. Madison rushed to the infant, terror and adrenaline fueling her movements. She grasped the mobile table and wheeled it out of the clinic, stopping in the middle of the corridor when breathing became too hard. Her fingers came up to curl into her hair as she listened to James's resuscitation attempts inside. Shock turned her stomach into lead. What had gone wrong in the past five minutes? The birth had gone fine. What brought on the complications? This couldn't… Catherine couldn't…

She froze when a terrible noise drowned out everything else.

Flatline.

James's anguished wail followed, and she staggered in place as the baby's cries rang out through the corridor.

_Why, God? How could this happen? So many things we still had to say… so many years stolen. You took something precious from us. And now, this child…_

Succumbing to her own grief, Madison leaned over the table and wept into the baby's blankets. "I'm so sorry, Alexandra."

x-x-x-x-x

The funeral lasted two hours.

The bereavement lasted two weeks and counting.

Ultimately, it culminated in James and Madison holding a private meeting in the conference room.

"What… are you saying?"

James heaved a weary sigh. "It's over, Madison. Project Purity. I can't continue with it."

"Are you insane?" she exclaimed incredulously, not caring whether the other scientists could hear her outside. "All the work we've done— _years_ of research. You're willing to throw it all away?"

He braced himself over a chair and lowered his head. "We've reached the end of the line here. Progress has all but ceased, the Brotherhood has retracted almost all of its support, and Cath—" He took a steadying breath and cleared his throat. "It isn't safe here any longer with the rise in super mutant attacks. I have to take Alexandra somewhere secure and raise her in a protected environment."

"So move her next door to Rivet City and stick her playpen in the security quarters," Madison snapped, coming forward to seize his forearm. "But do _not_ abandon us now. We need you more than ever to see this project through."

James ran a hand over his face. "There is nothing more of this project to continue. It's a lost cause. Can't you understand that?"

"Catherine would have wanted you to keep trying."

She jolted when he slammed his fist into the table.

" _Don't_ ," James growled, haggard features twisting as he glowered at her, "use my wife as a persuasive device. She would have wanted our child to be the priority. If you truly knew her, you'd realize this."

Madison wrapped her arms around herself and glared back at him, furious tears trickling down her cheeks. "How dare you say that to me, you bastard. I knew her inside and out a long time before you even came into the picture. Just because she married you doesn't mean I became irrelevant."

James's expression immediately changed to one of remorse, and he placed his hands on her shoulders as they shook with her sobs. "I'm sorry, Madison. The loss and stress are hitting me hard. I'm not myself right now. I know you cared for her, but—"

"She was _everything_ to me. Don't act like you aren't aware of that."

He exhaled and shut his eyes. "I know."

It was still so raw for them. They could stand there and debate which of them suffered more, but in truth, both of their spirits had crumbled. The passage of time did little to help, for the pieces had scattered, lost to the void. It took a few minutes for Madison to compose herself, and when she did, James stepped away and sent her a gaze full of sorrow.

"I'm afraid my decision still stands," he declared, looking for all the world like a man long dead. "I hope you can forgive me. But Alexandra comes first before everything else now."

And just like that, he headed to the exit.

Madison stared after him, seeing not just his back, but their lives falling apart. "You're not the only one mourning her, James. You're not the only one who's hurt that she's gone," she called out in a raspy voice. "But you're the only one who's giving up."

He hesitated at the doorway, but strode out without looking back.

She stood there for a few stunned beats, not quite believing he had really walked out on Project Purity, the cause Catherine had devoted her life to. Then, letting out an angry cry, Madison toppled several chairs and plopped herself on the floor, head in her hands. That was it. They were finished. Everything was over.

She had nothing left.


	3. Chapter 3

**(2277)**

**_Part 1_ **

Madison finished pinning her hair into a neat chignon, frowning at the grimy mirror when she noticed a few more gray strands at her temples. The crease between her eyebrows deepened as she took in all the signs of aging in her face—wrinkles, sunspots, crow’s feet. Years of persistent lab work and scientific pursuits manifested in the state of her appearance. She bent closer, wondering where the time had gone. Middle age had crept up on her, quiet and taxing, but she liked to think she had something to show for it by now.

A resigned sigh passed her lips, and she reached for her lab coat just as the man in her bed stirred and cast a bleary look in her direction.

“Goin’ to work already?” Flak asked, his gruff voice raspy as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“It’s past nine. I’m actually late,” she replied, slipping her arms into the coat and smoothing it over her blouse and skirt. “You should probably head over to your shop, too.”

He sat up and stretched, the mattress groaning beneath his weight. “Eh, Shrapnel should be able to cover for me for the first half hour.”

Madison padded over to the nightstand next to the bed to grab her clipboard. “I’m going to need you to head out so I can lock up, though.”

Flak glanced at her unhappily, but shrugged and threw the covers from himself. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, the fluorescent lights hitting the contours of his scarred, muscular body. Madison waited as he donned his clothes, peering down at the written agenda on her clipboard to note her scheduled tasks for the day. More testing and experiments lay ahead, but at least her team had already managed to produce a number of radiation-free fruits and vegetables.

“Hey, Madison, I’ve been thinkin’,” Flak remarked as he buttoned his pants. “Why don’t we just get married?”

“We’re not even in a relationship.”

“We could start one.”

She stared at him, jaded. “I’m afraid I don’t have time for such a thing.”

He chuckled and pulled his stained white undershirt over his shoulders. “You’d think after years of sleepin’ together exclusively, even an ice queen like you would fall for a grizzled old bastard like me.”

She inclined her head, but said, “Maybe I would have if I wasn’t already married to my work.”

“You’re a cold, cold woman, Maddie.”

A stab of pain almost two decades old cut through her chest at that moment. “Please don’t call me that.”

Flak gazed at her while zipping up his leather vest. “Sorry. You ever gonna tell me the story behind that taboo nickname?”

Without warning, curly black hair and warm brown eyes flashed across her mind, a lingering image frozen in time. “I’d rather not.”

He nodded and stepped into his boots, bending down to tie them. “Just thought I’d try askin’ again.” Once he finished with his laces, he straightened and reached over to chuck her under the chin before walking toward the door. “Let me know when you’re free another night. You know where to find me.”

“Right. I’ll see you later.”

She exited the room after he did, pushing the heavy metal door closed behind her and locking it. The creaking noises of Rivet City’s interior drifted through the corridors, accompanied by distant sounds of chatter and echoing footsteps as citizens went about their morning. A few residents greeted her as they passed by, and she acknowledged their genial words with a tight smile while striding the short distance to the science lab entrance. The cooler air swept over her when she stepped inside, her ears picking up the hum of the widespread machinery across the first floor.

A pair of towering water and grain silos met her vision as she approached the staircase, followed by the sight of the ongoing hydroponics experiments at the research area below. Customary pride swelled within her when she spotted her team in full productivity at their stations. A new batch of produce sat on one of the tables, doubled in number from the last.

As usual, her thoughts strayed to the long-gone Horace Pinkerton, whom she wished could have seen them now and the progress they had made. A petty part of her had always hoped to make the old codger eat his own cynical words regarding her research efforts. Although hard-bitten from certain events of the past, she had never lost her ambition or will to reach for her goals.

And when it came to matters of science, she always aimed straight for the sky.

Madison glimpsed a brewing argument at the far side of the research floor, where her subordinate Anna Holt confronted the Commonwealth scientist Dr. Zimmer and his stoic bodyguard. She frowned while descending the stairs, but allowed Anna to deal with his troublesome presence. Once Madison reached the bottom and headed for the main terminal, Janice Kaplinski scurried over to her right away, several pages of notes in her hands.

“Morning, Dr. Li,” the young botanist chirped. “We’re about a quarter of the way through the radiation tests on the filter, and I’m preparing the south end of the lab for the fusion power experiments.”

“Already?” Madison asked in surprise, setting her clipboard down on the nearest desk. “That isn’t scheduled until tomorrow.”

Janice tucked several strands of short brown behind her ear and grinned. “I know, but we’ve been extra motivated today.”

“I can see that,” Madison remarked as she scanned the premises and witnessed the intense concentration on each team member’s face. “Did we achieve another breakthrough or something? I haven’t witnessed enthusiasm like this in a long time. It’s on par with my previous colleagues from years ago.”

“Well, that’s the thing. After your old friend came to see you yesterday, we’ve been anticipating changing course for Project Purity. If you two decide to revive it, that is.” The hopeful look in Janice’s eyes all but begged for affirmation.

And just like that, Madison’s mood plummeted. Her lips fell into a hard line. She had spent the past twenty-four hours attempting to forget about James’s reappearance and belated change of heart on Project Purity.

_“Why? Why now?” she had demanded, the perpetual bitterness saturating her tone._

_“It’s time, Madison,” James had replied. “I failed you before, but I won’t again. Help me finish this. Please.”_

_“You’re nearly twenty years too late, James. The old research facility in the Jefferson Memorial was abandoned and left to decay. We can’t possibly just pick up where we left off. Have you lost your mind?”_

_His haunted gaze spoke of both despondency and determination. “I did once, all those years ago. I’ve only now recovered it. And I’m ready to get back to work.”_

Madison shook her head at the memory of the exchange and instructed Janice to continue with her tasks. She rotated toward the desk and braced herself over the surface, recalling James’s downtrodden expression when she had refused his request and sent him to the Jefferson Memorial by himself. Restlessness gnawed at her, but she dismissed it in light of her indignation. He could salvage whatever was left of the project if he wished; she had washed her hands of it.

The past belonged in the past. In the present, she had found success. And for the future, she would continue on the industrious path she had paved for herself.

Turning back had ceased to be an option.

Straightening, she pushed the encounter with James from her mind and redirected her focus on the more concrete endeavors of her current work.

The hours passed at an uneventful crawl. Although Zimmer remained in his stubborn position at the far side of the lab, Madison oversaw three simultaneous experiments and rotated through each like clockwork. She found the most fulfillment on days like this, when progress climbed steadily and new ideas took form. Her team’s efficiency and output of results instilled a sense of accomplishment within her, something lacking in the old days when she had witnessed Project Purity shrivel up and die in the face of hardship. The circumstances differed, but she fancied herself a capable leader. And only time would tell whether that leadership could hold up against the returning hand of fate.

One resurgence of a broken chain, and the fractured pattern emerged to instigate a second upheaval of her stable world.

Heavy footfalls resonated from the staircase to signal a new presence in the science lab. Madison stood hovering over her desk, nose-deep in reports. She listened to Janice address the individual, but no answer came forth as the footsteps approached from across the floor. Madison pursed her lips when they stopped behind her, making a mental note to bring up the issue of unwelcome lab visitors during the next council meeting. These interruptions numbered far too many, and as the head of the city’s science division, she would no longer stand for them.

When she spun around to berate the newcomer for intruding on the research area, however, her voice trailed off to a soundless gasp at the impossible sight.

A woman long dead peered at her from a mere few feet away.

Madison jolted and staggered back against her desk, taking in the untamed curly hair, deep brown irises, and slender face—all still so familiar, reminiscent of days long past. Her heart thundered in her chest as she questioned her own vision and sanity, a million implausible thoughts surging to the forefront of her mind. This couldn’t be real. She had buried that image. And yet, no matter how many times she blinked, the mirage stayed in place. Eerie, haunting, but tangible above all else.

The eyes of a ghost stared straight into her soul.

“Catherine?” she managed to rasp out.

The other faltered, tilted her head. A calculating quality entered her countenance, searching, penetrating, before comprehension surfaced. When she spoke, the voice that flowed from her mouth shattered the illusion. “No. I’m Alex. You knew my mother?”

Madison paused as shock gave way to logic. She took a closer look then, pinpointing the slight differences in the woman before her and the woman she remembered. Although nearly identical to Catherine, the stranger’s skin tone appeared a few shades lighter, her features more elfin, stature broader. In the surrounding light, her hair shone dark brown rather than black, the long curls hanging loose over her shoulders in a more relaxed texture. She carried herself well under the weight of her combat armor, and the scarred, callused hands she sported belonged to a fighter, not a scientist. The dust and grime on her attire revealed her as a Wasteland wanderer. Physical variations aside, a recognizable aspect echoed from her core.

_Vagabond._

“Oh my God,” Madison breathed. “Alexandra.”

The young woman gave her a wry smile. “Alex. Just Alex,” she corrected, her husky timbre the opposite of Catherine’s, but the cadence of her speech roughly the same. “Are you in charge here?”

 _This is surreal. The last time I saw her, she was just an infant. And now…_ “Yes, I’m Dr. Madison Li. I… was a friend of your parents.” _…I don’t know what to think._

Alex took a step forward, a peculiar gleam stirring in her gaze. “Madison, huh? You’re not what I was expecting when the security guy told me to head over here. I mean that in a good way,” she declared, letting out a low chuckle. “In any case, it’s good to meet you.” A stilted beat, an impish grin. “Maddie.”

x-x-x-x-x

She didn’t know what to do about Catherine’s daughter, who spent the next few weeks stopping by the science lab even after Madison had already directed her to James’s last known whereabouts. Alex proved herself a bit of a nuisance, coming in during work hours to ask Madison about the city and its surrounding areas, topics she could have easily bothered Harkness or Bannon with. The disturbances chafed on Madison, as she found it difficult enough dealing with Alex’s stark resemblance to Catherine. Add to that the jarring contrast of Alex’s headstrong personality, and Madison could no longer maintain staunch focus on her lab duties.

At times, Alex watched her from the railing of the second level. A relentless sense of intrigue emanated from that observational staring, prompting Madison to wonder what she wanted from her under all the inane geography-related questions. It became clear that finding James had dropped a few places on Alex’s list of priorities, an odd development that pointed to Madison as the reason.

But why? 

Alex’s fixation extended outside the lab as well, for she often materialized from out of nowhere to run into Madison in the corridors. The timing and frequency seemed suspect more than anything, but rather than come off as threatening, Alex exhibited a certain curious vibe. She even dealt with a few problems for Madison—namely getting rid of Zimmer—in a transparent attempt to win points for conversation. Her inquiries turned to the subject of her parents after a while, and despite Madison’s suggestion to pursue James for answers, Alex insisted on following her around instead.

Finally, when Madison came home from work one night to find her loitering outside the door to her quarters, she felt an inward snap, having reached the end of her tolerance.

“What is it you really want?” Madison demanded as she marched up to the younger woman. “You’ve been shadowing me ever since you came to Rivet City. It needs to stop.”

A roguish smile appeared, now comparable to the father’s. “I just want to talk to you, Maddie.”

“That’s ‘Dr. Li,’ if you please.” She came to a halt a few paces away, adjusting her harsh tone when she found herself once again contending with Catherine’s inherited face. “Or ‘Madison’ is fine as well.”

Alex studied her for a few seconds, a muscle ticking in her jaw. “There’s just something about you.”

 _What… is that supposed to mean?_ Madison frowned and crossed her arms. “Care to elaborate?”

“Kind of hard to explain. It’s like I can't stay away.”

An unsettling feeling built beneath Madison’s ribcage, stemming not from fear, but from the look of interest piercing into her. She knew it well, that combination of wonder and desire. Almost two decades had passed since she had last seen a glimpse of it.

But when given by a lover, one could never forget.

“I was under the impression that you were trying to track down your father,” Madison remarked, intonation cutting sharp. “Maybe you should resume that objective while you’re figuring out exactly what I can do for you.”

Alex edged closer, dwarfing her in height by a few inches. As her demeanor grew somber, she said softly, “I can think of a few things.”

Woven links came together, clicked into place. Madison balked at the implication, in disbelief over how things had played out. Fate’s sense of humor and irony knew no bounds. If her suspicions proved accurate, then Catherine had passed down more than just her features.

That elusive heart had manifested in this new soul.

“You want to know something about your mother?” Madison asked after a long stretch of silence, wanting to set a line and distance between them. “She put her all into chasing her goals. She never strayed, never lost sight of them. When she resolved to do a task, she committed to it. Distractions didn’t hinder her, no matter their nature.” She locked down on her innermost instincts, which clambered to reach for the beckoning haze. “You’re her spitting image, but you’re nothing like her.”

The tension thickened the air, drawing both of them into a hard standstill.

“Yeah? Well, maybe my goals aren’t what you think they are. But message noted. Just one thing, though, Madison,” Alex stated while stepping back, a shadow falling over her expression. “When you look at me, your heart shows in your eyes.”

x-x-x-x-x

Another two weeks passed before Madison saw her again.

And this time, James strode at Alex’s side when they entered the science lab.

The commotion around the research area started almost at once. Madison glanced up and set down her files as her team speculated amongst themselves about James’s second return. His look of purpose told her some form of progress had happened, and to her dismay, something akin to hope rekindled in her chest.

“You’re back,” Madison said to him even though her gaze drifted to Alex, who smirked at her as they reached the first floor.

“Do you remember what I mentioned of the G.E.C.K.? I was correct about its adaptability. If we find one, we can use it to work with the purifiers,” James announced, disheveled from his trek outside, but face alight with renewed enthusiasm. “And I will be able to prove it. Come back with me to Project Purity, Madison. We can finish this. We _will_ finish this. I swear to you.”

She hesitated for a long while, aware of the stares pressing into her from all directions. The reignited passion in James’s eyes urged her to reconsider her stance on the project. She saw the old intensity there, the burning drive that promised to bring change to the Wastes. Here stood one of the most brilliant minds in the Capital, the paradigm of scientific advancement, prepared to carry the largest venture of their lives to completion. Still, she maintained her wariness. Everything she had built here depended on her active diligence. If she placed it on the backburner to chase a past dream, she would be undermining her own work, something she couldn’t accept.

James seemed to read into the root of her indecision, and he reached out to clasp her hands, his entire frame resonating with encouragement. “I know you’ve worked hard for your place and status here in Rivet City. Asking you to put it all on hold is a lot, but I wouldn’t be here pleading if I believed this project had a chance without you.”

Madison exhaled and tried to pry her hands from his grasp. “James—”

“If anything, you were right all those years ago,” he told her, a wistful quality overtaking his words. “This is what Catherine would have wanted.”

She froze. Swallowed at the key name. The cracks struck deep beneath the surface, and in the span of a millisecond, her resolve crumbled to ash. In her peripheral vision, she detected Alex’s heavy scrutiny. The delicate balance had tipped. Even in spirit, Catherine trumped all.

All out of moves and defenses, she gave in to the checkmate.

“Fine. I’m onboard.”

x-x-x-x-x

Flak voiced his unhappiness over Madison’s leave of absence from the city, but respected her decision in the hours leading up to her departure. She appreciated his support, thinking that perhaps, depending on the results of Project Purity, she might be more accommodating to his wishes for something more permanent between them later on. For now, a situation much bigger than them required her full concentration.

The short journey to the Jefferson Memorial proved harrowing. They traveled as a group full of liabilities, a handful of scientists protected by one combatant. Both James and Madison had armed themselves with 10mm pistols, but she hadn’t fired a gun in several years, and she doubted James ranked anywhere near a skilled shot himself. That left Alex as their sole defender. 

Nineteen years old, and already Wasteland-worn to the bone.

Madison stole glances at her along the route, taking in the arsenal of weapons Alex carried on her person. She demonstrated proficiency with each firearm whenever a raider or super mutant came running at them, revealing herself as a quick draw, and accurate to boot. Not one enemy reached the group before Alex felled them. Her skills implied ample practice, and out here, one only gained experience by fighting to survive. No matter the horror, it was either do or die. And for a teenager who had first emerged from the Vault less than half a year ago, Alex showed alarming combative prowess. Throughout all her interactions, she bore a steely glint in her eye.

Madison had to wonder how James could have allowed this to happen to his only child.

Once they reached the Jefferson Memorial, James stopped the group outside the old entrance to the gift shop.

Sending a sheepish glance toward Alex, he said, “We need to get inside, but super mutants have moved in over the years. None of us are particularly capable fighters…”

As Madison stiffened, Alex gave him a resigned look and shrugged.

“I guess I can go in and clear the place out,” she remarked.

“No,” Madison snapped when no one else intervened. She glared at James, incredulous at his willingness to shove his daughter in harm’s way. “What are you thinking? You and I can at least go with her, for God’s sake.”

“We’re not suited for combat, Madison,” he replied. “We would only become casualties, and then what would become of the project?”

“You can’t be serious. This is your daughter you’re sending alone into the fray,” she protested.

He frowned at her, his jaw tightening. “Don’t think I don’t know that. But if we go in with her, we’ll only be an encumbrance. Have faith in Alex. She can handle herself exceptionally well.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Alex stated, albeit without much conviction. Her features appeared heavy as she pumped her combat shotgun and stepped toward the door.

Madison swung her incensed gaze to the young woman, panic rising. “No, wait. If something happens to you, I—”

“Are you that concerned about me?”

She stopped, paused, when Alex turned and flashed her a cheeky grin over her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this. Just wait right here. You can patch me up afterwards. Trust me, I’ll need it.” And just like that, she disappeared through the entrance.

Madison spent the next hour glowering at James as they listened to the sounds of gunfire echoing from inside. To his credit, he looked twice as anxious as she felt. From what she had gathered, the relationship between James and Alex had grown strained over time. It was evident in their vibes of neglect and limited concern for each other. Substantial inattention on his part, which undoubtedly soured her view of him as a father.

The others kept quiet as the minutes drew on. Madison took to pacing, trying to imagine how Catherine would have reacted to this. Or rather, how different circumstances would be if she were still alive. Alex wouldn’t have ended up this way. James wouldn’t have had to choose between his daughter and his work. And Madison…

She slowed to a halt as she cast her sight over the river, sobering at the thought of her role in that alternate reality.

_I would still be on the outside looking in._

At that moment, the gift shop door banged open again.

“Alex!” James exclaimed, his footfalls pounding on the pavement as he bounded toward her. “Are you all right?”

Madison spun around and zeroed in on Alex, who sported new injuries and seemed to be bleeding from the head.

“Gee, Dad, I don’t know. Not too peachy, I’d say?” came the sarcastic reply. “The whole place is clear, at least.”

“Good Lord,” Madison fairly snarled, marching over and brushing James aside to take Alex’s arm. “Let’s deal with these wounds before they get infected. Your father can go frolic in the control room by himself while I take you to the old clinic.”

James said nothing as Madison escorted her inside.

x-x-x-x-x

“Ouch. Not exactly tender-handed are you?” Alex tried to quip, wincing from the sting of the sixth stimpak administered into her arm.

“I don’t know the meaning of the term,” Madison answered as she dropped the empty syringe onto a dusty metal tray and dabbed gauze over the younger woman’s scratches.

“Well, at least I finally got you to treat me as something other than a pest.”

Madison let out a jaded sigh. “Whatever you were hoping to get from me by stalking my locations, I will say that I take back my statement about you and your mother being nothing alike. She always had trouble saying what she wanted outright, too.”

Alex regarded her in contemplation for a while. “Wow, you’re actually talking about her now. I’ve only heard what my dad told me. What kind of person was she really, anyway?”

Madison felt her own gaze soften as the memories crept out from the locked box in her mind. “The best. Smart, compassionate, attractive, she was truly one of a kind. She fought for everything. She fought for you, here in this room, when she gave birth to you. That medical bed you’re sitting on? That’s where you were delivered.”

“Gross,” Alex remarked, grimacing as she peered down at the dilapidated surface beneath her rear. “I could’ve gone without knowing that, but okay. Definitely kudos to Mom for suffering through childbirth. Just… it’s too bad she died while I lived.”

The atmosphere shifted, thickened.

Madison lowered the gauze and studied Alex’s face, which exhibited so many conflicting emotions that she had trouble pinpointing the dominant one. “If given the choice between you and her, she would have chosen you each time.”

“You sound like you thought highly of her.”

“I did,” Madison said, the longing in her voice evident to her own ears. “She was the one ray of light in this desolate place. I would have done anything for her.”

Alex sat up straighter and narrowed her eyes. “Wait a sec. No way…”

Madison stared back at her, fully aware of the envy flashing in the younger woman’s visage.

“Were you in love with her?”

A hush fell over them, stifling and taut. Although Madison chose not to respond, she was unapologetic when the answer registered on the other’s expression.

Alex pressed her lips together, disappointment and ire clouding her features. “Well, shit,” she drawled, running agitated fingers through her hair. “That just makes things more problematic.”

“Problematic? What do you mean?”

“I mean, at first I thought maybe you might’ve had a thing for my dad. That’s something I could’ve worked with. But this? So much harder,” Alex griped, pinning her with a withering glare. “How am I supposed to compete with a ghost?”

Madison’s mouth opened to retort, but nothing came out as Alex verified her interest. The development proved troublesome and uncomfortable on Madison’s end. They stood in the very room where she first held the newborn Alex in her arms. Now that baby had grown up, and this was the result. Where did Alex’s romantic notions even come from? It felt strange, twisted, wrong on many levels.

However, her racing pulse hinted at a different story beneath her sternum.

She shook her head and cleared away the medical tools as Alex watched her. The familiar connections formed in the nether, winding into a pattern that bound two people together. Madison resisted it, willed it gone.

This was one lattice she had to destroy.


	4. Chapter 4

**(2277)**

**_Part 2_ **

The sequence of events that followed sped by in a blur.

They all pitched in to move the super mutant carcasses out of the memorial. The task took an entire day, and the next few comprised interior organization. Both James and Madison took an active role in direction, which led to some disagreements and a few minor quarrels. He quickly learned she was no longer the compliant subordinate from their younger years. She had become a proficient leader in her own right, and once they came to an understanding, things flowed in a smoother manner.

As the scientists grew busier with preparations, Alex hung back to remain on standby. Madison felt her constant gaze as she went about her work, the revelation of Alex's feelings never far from her mind. She gave herself no downtime on purpose, needing space and a long period to think.

On the fourth day, their team set up around the old laboratory, and Madison gave in to the nostalgia as she reacquainted herself with every piece of equipment, every handwritten research note she had left behind all those years ago. Her old desk sat in its same place below the flickering lights, covered in a blanket of dust and stained with super mutant blood. She left it to Garza and Janice's cleaning attempts and made her way to the spot that had been Catherine's station.

Only fragments of wood and plaster occupied the space now, dumped in an unceremonious pile amidst torn papers and grime. She bent down to pick up an aged notebook sheet, emotion welling up in her throat when she recognized Catherine's graceful handwriting scrawled across the page. Her late paramour still had a presence here, infused throughout the building from the walls to the air. Madison regretted leaving, or at least leaving without bringing some sort of memento with her. They had departed in separate ways, neither forgotten nor completely gone.

Madison ended up returning to this place after all. And through the promise of pure water, Catherine still lived on.

"Is that my mom's?" Alex asked, striding up from behind her.

Madison hid her discomposure and nodded, showing her the paper. "Catherine wasn't much for adhering to a structured schedule, so she usually wrote down her assignments for the day and just picked a random order in which to do them."

Alex studied the notes in interest until something she read pulled the corners of her mouth into a frown.

"What is it?" Madison inquired, peering down at the sheet.

"'12:00 PM: Have lunch with Maddie.'" Alex pinned her with a sharp look. "Maddie? So _she_ could call you that, but no one else can?"

Madison felt the heat of an indignant flush rise to her cheeks. She folded the paper, tucking it into her lab coat pocket. "Your mother was the one who gave me that nickname," she stated quietly.

Alex stared hard at her, something close to acrimony surfacing in her expression. "You never got over her, did you?"

"That's really none of your business, Alex."

"Screw that. She was my mom. I think it _is_ my business."

"Now you're just being a child," Madison snapped in a harsh whisper, mindful of the curious glances from the rest of the scientists.

Alex stepped closer, standing near enough for Madison to see the flecks of gold in her brown irises.

"I am _not_ a child," she murmured, husky tone low and even, eyes dropping to the other's lips for a fraction of a second. Then, before any response came forth, she backed off and marched out of the laboratory.

Madison gaped after her, wondering just how many problems this would cause in the following weeks.

At that moment, James, who had observed the exchange from across the floor, approached her while carrying a large stack of folders in his arms. "Alex, she… seems to have taken to you quite well."

It took Madison several beats to determine that he seemed puzzled more than anything. "I guess. I haven't had anyone so adamant for my company since Catherine."

"Like mother like daughter, I suppose."

She bit back a sardonic laugh. _Oh, James… you have no idea._

x-x-x-x-x

Alex maintained a frigid distance over the next week, almost pouty in her demeanor as she came and went at various hours of the day. Madison let her be, glad for the respite from her incessant attention. She poured her concentration into the project, gathering every scrap of old research she could find and compiling them into their data archives. Although they still lacked a G.E.C.K., and therefore a definitive method of completing the purifiers, James appeared confident in their eventual success this time around.

Thus far, most of the terminals and the purifiers themselves remained shut down. Once the laboratory had been cleared of debris and biohazardous material, they moved on to the rebooting phase. As James called the team into the conference room for a meeting, Alex returned from one of her forays outside and loitered in the doorway.

"Perfect timing, Alex," James declared as everyone else crowded around the center table. "I have an assignment I need your help with."

Madison kept quiet as Alex released a weary sigh.

"What is it, Dad?"

"We can't bring the project back online until we get some maintenance issues taken care of," he replied, rubbing at the scruff over his chin and jawline. "Would you be willing to carry out these tasks?"

She made an apathetic gesture with her hand. "Sure, whatever. Just point me in the right direction and tell me what you need me to do."

Madison glimpsed the stiffness in their communication, noticing the veiled sullenness in Alex's attitude. Suddenly, she realized how Alex must have felt—abandoned by her father, and then made into an errand girl after tracking him down and joining his cause. No semblance of a parent-child relationship resonated between them. In fact, no one else had bothered to interact with Alex other than asking her to do this or that job. Madison blanched, perturbed by her own dismissive behavior, when it dawned on her just how lonely Alex appeared most of the time.

_What is this, James? Years ago, you cast Project Purity aside to devote yourself to your daughter. Now you've cast your daughter aside to devote yourself back to Project Purity. Why does it have to be one or the other?_

"Excellent," James said, sounding pleased. "We need to finish up here, but if you wait for me in the control room, I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

When a shade of dejection accompanied Alex's acquiescent nod, Madison spoke up, no longer willing to watch from the sidelines.

"I'll get her started on the flood control pumps," she announced, glaring at James when he peered at her in disapproval. "You can conduct the meeting without me. I already know what duties I'll be doing once everything starts back up."

He still seemed unhappy with her insistence, but sighed his agreement. Madison broke away from the group and ushered Alex out of the conference room. They walked together down the corridors, the atmosphere hushed and a little awkward. Although they said nothing for several minutes, a certain air of companionship formed between them. She couldn't help relating their dual footfalls to her leisurely strolls with Catherine. Alex, for all her variances from her mother, carried her posture in much the same way.

The silence remained unbroken until Alex rounded on her outside the sub-basement door.

"So, are you actually going to talk to me now, or is this strictly business?"

Madison stopped in her tracks and placed a hand on her hip. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't seem to get along with your father very well."

Alex bristled. "What do you mean? I do stuff to help him out, we don't fight or anything, things are fine."

"Conflict isn't always loud and direct. It looks like you two are dealing with more subtle problems, like negligence and resentment. I'm fairly adept at analyzing relationships from a third party standpoint," Madison explained.

The younger woman snorted. "Bet you became so good at your relationship analysis thing because my parents got together and left you in the dust."

The words cut through Madison with the force of a serrated blade, ripping open a number of old, dormant wounds she had spent years burying. A simmering sensation curled around her chest and compelled her to lash out, to deliver a scathing rejoinder as reprisal for the burn. Anything to strike back; anything to ease the hurt. Instead, she drew herself up straighter and used her eyes to convey the answer.

Something raw must have shown in her expression because Alex paled and backpedaled at once.

"Hey. Sorry, I didn't mean it. I'm just… sore that you're not giving me a chance," Alex told her, fidgeting on the spot. "I really like you."

Madison seized the opportunity, all patience and civility depleted. She advanced on Alex and grasped her shoulder to pull her closer and murmur in her ear. "Before your mother even knew your father was alive, she was in my bed, moaning my name, writhing beneath me, opening her body. I was between her legs a long time before he even kissed her, so you'd better remember exactly who you're pining for, Alexandra."

A petrified look settled on Alex's face when Madison drew back. It had to be said, upfront and blunt. The plain truth was never pleasant, but better to confront it head-on than brush the details to the side. And now that she had set the record straight, perhaps they could move on.

"All right. The flood control pumps," Madison went on, as if she hadn't just crushed a young heart seconds before. "You'll need to head to the sub-basement level and activate them, which should clear out the water so we can reach the mainframe." She ignored Alex's stricken features and motioned to the sub-basement entrance. "There should be an intercom down there that connects to the one in the control room. James and I will be in the rotunda shortly. Just let us know when you're ready for the next step."

As she spun on her heel to stalk away, Alex seized her elbow.

"Yeah, okay, but look…" Alex stammered, the distress evident in her voice. "Madison, I'm sorry."

The apology resounded with a plea, desperate for acceptance. Madison regarded her in the limited light of the corridor, struck by the similarities to the instances when Catherine had implored her forgiveness. With the shadows placed as they were, it almost appeared to be Catherine standing there, wanting amends and another chance—a bid to restart the cycle. And Madison, hopeless in her infatuation, always delved right back into the spiraling fire. A passion that spun forever, even when one of the flames had died.

She tore her gaze away, knowing she had to stop comparing them. Mother and daughter, two entirely separate people. The inherent wish to see Catherine through Alex played a part in her determination to keep the latter at arm's length. Nothing good would come out of pursuing more than a platonic friendship. But until she could come to terms with her own tangled feelings, even friendship may be out of the question.

Madison yanked her elbow free and continued down the corridor. "You've been given your task. Get to work."

x-x-x-x-x

It all happened so fast.

One moment, she had been working on the console outside the main control room. The next, dozens of Enclave soldiers stormed the memorial and poured into every section of the building, including the rotunda. Madison found herself shoved out of the way by a group of heavily armed troops as they rushed into the control room, where James and Janice stood paralyzed in shock. An imposing man wearing a brown trench coat sauntered in during the invasion, referred to as "Colonel Autumn" by one of the soldiers. He spared Madison a disinterested glance as he brushed past to confront James.

She attempted to dash after him when he locked himself and two of his guards inside with James and Janice, but a quick blow to the temple from a power armor gauntlet knocked her down for the count. Alarm gripped her and prevented her from slipping into unconsciousness. A trickle of blood traveled down the side of her face as she lay sprawled on the floor, her vision wrought with stars that joined the glow of the tesla coils worn by some of the troops. Through the ringing in her hearing, she made out the muffled exchange of words in the control room. And as the barrage of gunfire echoed from outside, she wondered if she would die here.

Seconds later, a new presence burst into the rotunda and engaged the Enclave troops in combat. Madison retained enough lucidity to flip over and drag herself behind the nearest cover, every movement sending sharp stabs through her head. She waited until the firefight died down to lean out and survey the area. Astonishment chased away the rest of her disorientation when she saw the piles of dead Enclave members at the feet of the rescuer.

Alex towered over them, breathing hard as she reloaded her assault rifle and wiped the sweat from her forehead. A ferocious quality had encompassed her frame, consuming the young woman to leave a warrior in her wake. And when her eyes shifted to Madison's position, no sign of Catherine reflected in her gaze.

"Madison!" Alex cried, stomping across the dead bodies and sprinting over to help her up. "Are you all right? This whole place has gone to hell!"

"James," Madison said breathlessly as she wobbled on her feet, heart pounding in fear. She steadied herself on the nearest terminal and pointed to the showdown in the locked control room. "Help him!"

Alex snapped her head in that direction and jolted. "Oh, shit. Dad!"

Madison fought through her vertigo as Alex darted toward the sealed glass enclosure. At that moment, the surviving team members straggled in, each looking worse for wear as they caught sight of Madison and hurried to her. Before any of them had a chance to say anything, a shot rang from inside the chamber, and she let out a wail when she saw Janice double over and fall from the round fired into her abdomen. Colonel Autumn then turned his gun on James, sending Alex into a furious panic as she pounded on the shatterproof glass.

James glanced at her, and then at Madison. A look of resolve crossed his face as he nodded to Autumn. Madison went very still.

_No… I know that look. You can't, James. Let the project go. Don't—_

However, when he input a code into the central console, they all heard the hiss of the latches on the purifier as deadly amounts of radiation flooded the chamber.

" _Dad, no_!" Alex screamed as the Enclave soldiers dropped, and both Colonel Autumn and James staggered in place.

Madison and the others gawked at the tragedy unfolding. Once Autumn collapsed, James stumbled to Alex on the opposite side of the glass door. Regret and sadness tinged his weathered features as he mouthed something to her before succumbing to the radiation. Alex sobbed, still pressed against the barrier, even as the alarms around the memorial blared to life and signaled the arrival of even more Enclave forces.

Using all of her strength, Madison pushed off from the terminal and hurled herself forward to reach Alex and take her by the shoulders.

"We have to go," she stated above the piercing noise, fighting back the tears that blurred her vision. "They'll be coming for us next. We have to evacuate through the underground tunnels."

"I can't," Alex croaked out, face crumpling in grief as she stared at James's unmoving body. "I can't leave my dad in there."

Madison gave her a desperate shake. "The radiation inside is lethal right now. You'll die the same way he did. I wish he hadn't chosen this, but we don't have much time. Either we escape now, or his sacrifice will have been in vain."

Alex swiped at her eyes and threw her arms around Madison to wrap her in a quick hug that spoke her anguish.

Madison returned her embrace as the dampness streaked down her cheeks, whispering the same thing she had said the last time Alex had lost a parent.

"I'm so sorry, Alexandra."

x-x-x-x-x

Entry to the Citadel took too many minutes in an annoying back and forth with the paladin on guard, but when Madison lost her temper and snarled at the intercom for clearance, the gate opened at once.

Once inside the bailey, the disheveled group of refugees found themselves confronted by Owyn Lyons, who, despite his advanced age, appeared as sharp and powerful as he did the last time she had seen him twenty years ago.

"Dr. Li," he greeted, dressed in the robes of the Brotherhood Elder, his beard now long and white. "It's been a long time. What has happened? What brings you back to the Citadel in that state?"

"The Enclave," she answered, still a bit out of breath. "They've taken Project Purity."

He asked her for more details on what had transpired at the Jefferson Memorial, and she did her best to give him coherent responses as the shock began to wear off. Her head throbbed from her injury, but she weathered on. Only when the trembling started in her limbs did he direct the group to the B ring for accommodations.

"Ah, but this young lady… Alex, is it? If you don't mind, I have a few more questions for you specifically," Lyons declared.

Madison took one look at her distraught face and shook her head. "She's been through enough today, Lyons. Let her rest. You can interrogate her tomorrow."

"I'll only keep her a few minutes," he insisted. "Go on and situate yourselves in the barracks or seek medical attention at the hospital. We have much work ahead of us, so perhaps you can stop by the laboratory as well."

Madison shifted her gaze to Alex, who nodded.

"Should be fine. I'll meet you down in the B ring," she told her, demeanor hardening in a demonstration of emotional and mental resilience.

With heavy reluctance, Madison agreed.

Nearly a half hour later, after seeing to her own medical care, she strode inside the private room the scribes had assigned her. Clean and orderly, it reminded her of her quarters at the memorial. She exhaled and shut the door before shedding her grimy lab coat, dropping it on the floor. Exhaustion set in as she kicked off her tattered shoes and trudged to the bed. Flopping onto the mattress, she buried her face in the pillow and tried to come to terms with the traumatic series of events.

_Damn it, James. You were so consumed by the project. And it was all for nothing. We lost everything again. How are we supposed to rebound from this?_

A knock sounded on her door.

"Yes?" Madison called, pushing herself into a sitting position.

Alex appeared, still covered in dried sweat and dirt. "They told me you got your own room. Can I stay for a while?"

Madison witnessed the haunted quality lurking beneath the blank set of her expression. "For as long as you need."

The younger woman ventured farther inside and removed her pack and weapons before peeling off her outer layer of filthy clothing. Ashen-faced in the fluorescent lights, she raked her fingers through her curly mane as she sat on the bed next to Madison, her weight shifting the mattress. They remained still and silent for a long span of minutes, each attempting to cope with the turmoil inside.

"I never got to fix things with him," Alex said quietly after the interlude, voice thick with emotion. "You were right. About my dad and me not getting along. I guess I blamed him for leaving me behind, and when I braved the Wasteland to find him, all he cared about was Project Purity. Even in the end, he gave his life for it."

Madison peered at her, heart clenching at the despair in Alex's downcast eyes. "He was focused on the project, yes, but he gave his life for you."

"Well, if he _wasn't_ so focused on the project, he wouldn't have had to make that choice." The statement rang with sourness amidst the gloom.

Madison lowered her head and studied the thread patterns in the sheets. "I suppose he did swear to finish it. For Catherine's sake, as well as the entire Wasteland's."

Alex stiffened at once. "Of course my mom had a role in it. She must have been one hell of a saint because she's had everyone wrapped around her finger even this long after her death."

The bitterness was understandable, and Madison could see why Alex harbored a bit of an inferiority complex toward the mother she had never met. Catherine did set the bar high as far as revered people went. That wasn't to say Alex was anything less, however.

Alex sniffled as she stared at the opposite wall. "I don't know anymore. I don't know why I'm bitching to you. You've already made it clear what you think of me." Her hand came up to brush away a few escaped tears. "Everything just… sucks."

"For the record, I don't think badly of you at all, Alex."

"Yeah, sure. It's just that you've still got it bad for my mom. And I'll never measure up."

Madison frowned. "That's not it. It would just be… complicated."

"Right. Complicated. Or maybe I'm just not meant to be anyone's priority—"

Madison cut her off by gripping the nape of her neck and pulling her in to press their lips together. The action caught Alex off-guard, and she froze as Madison kissed her hard, the action brash and tempestuous, fervent in its force. Unspoken elements weaved around them, binding, releasing, perpetually shifting. Just as Alex began to collect herself and reciprocate, Madison broke the kiss but lingered over her mouth.

"Satisfied?" she asked softly, gaze burning into her eyes. "Like I said. Complicated."


	5. Chapter 5

**(2277)**

**_Part 3_ **

Over the course of the next few weeks, Madison regretted her hastiness in attempting to prove a point.

Between their new objectives to locate a G.E.C.K. and reclaim Project Purity, Alex pestered Madison for further romantic exploration at every opportunity. Although Madison rejected her each time, Alex asserted that the kiss only proved something real existed between them, and it should be given a chance. Madison acknowledged a certain implicit connection that tied them together, but maintained that the age difference, her past relationship with Catherine, and the fact that she had been there for Alex’s birth all posed obstacles to any sort of viable romance for the two of them.

And then, one day, Alex vanished.

Madison spent the entire afternoon and evening pacing the length of the Citadel laboratory, Project Purity and the Brotherhood’s war against the Enclave the farthest things from her mind. She fretted over what had gone wrong during Alex’s mission to retrieve a known G.E.C.K. in Vault 87, unwilling to take others’ advice to calm down. Regret over her own standoffish attitude burdened her thoughts as she imagined the peril that had befallen Alex, a plethora of maddening scenarios only worsening her fears.

She did some reflecting during these hours of anxiety, wondering if, knowing this would happen, she would have handled Alex’s advances differently. The answer only grew more convoluted as she went back and forth on it. On one hand, the original issues remained the same. On the other, something very close to heartbreak reverberated within her chest.

Three days after Alex’s disappearance, the first piece of news made its way to the Citadel.

“She was captured and brought to Raven Rock along with the G.E.C.K.,” Scribe Rothchild announced in the laboratory. “The Enclave hasn’t indicated any desire for negotiations.”

“So they’ve imprisoned her there?” Madison demanded. “When do we send out the rescue effort?”

“Elder Lyons already said retrieval can’t be done at this time,” Rothchild told her. “Our forces are already concentrated on the Jefferson Memorial. If we split them now, we won’t have the strength to launch the assault.”

She glowered at him, infuriated. “Then what are we supposed to do about Alex?”

“I’m afraid she will have to fight her way out on her own.”

It took her science team and a contingent of knights to convince Madison not to infiltrate Raven Rock by herself. She fought tooth and nail for the Brotherhood to do something, _anything_ , to save Alex from the Enclave’s clutches. Her exertions accomplished nothing, for Lyons had already mandated the Brotherhood’s objectives. Returning to Rivet City wouldn’t have garnered very much help, either. No other faction stood a chance against the Enclave, and the one that did had already set its mission in stone.

Finally, after days of subsequent panic attacks, Madison had no choice but to place her faith in Alex’s resourcefulness and endurance, praying that she could pull through and survive.

That prayer, as it happened, was answered tenfold.

Madison heard the series of explosions in the distance while striding across the Citadel bailey. She exchanged alarmed glances with several Brotherhood members in the vicinity, already suspecting the turn of the tides had commenced. Within the hour, she and the senior Brotherhood personnel gathered for a meeting in the laboratory. Reports had come in that Raven Rock had been destroyed, although the exact cause and the number of survivors had yet to be determined. Despite the lack of specific details, Madison breathed a sigh of relief.

Her intuition told her that Alex had orchestrated the entire event and walked away.

Another forty-eight hours passed, and Madison waited. She took to scouring the Citadel archives to occupy herself, having done all she could to help with the Brotherhood’s battle preparations for the next morning. The war loomed on the horizon, and while Madison would not be taking part, her stomach twisted for the people on the frontlines.

One person, in particular.

The one who hopped from one dangerous situation to another, wandering alone, drawing the heart of a lattice that encompassed all.

The one who darkened the archives doorway after defying death yet another time.

Madison started when she spotted Alex leaning against the doorframe. She abandoned her research terminal and rose to her feet to gawk at the returned wanderer. Alex shot her an exhausted smile; singed, unkempt, and wounded, but alive.

“Hey, Maddie,” she greeted, propping herself up unsteadily. “You won’t believe the shitty week I’ve had.”

Madison rushed over to her and helped to support her weight, wrapping her arms around the younger woman’s slender figure as emotion flooded her chest. “Jesus. You had me worried sick.”

Alex hugged her, held onto her, a thousand meanings in her teary chuckle. “I was hoping you’d miss me.”

x-x-x-x-x

Madison scowled as she stood over Alex’s seated form in the laboratory less than an hour later, holding her against her waist as she glared balefully at Elder Lyons and the Lyons’ Pride a few feet away.

“You couldn’t wait for her to visit the hospital before calling her to this briefing?” Madison snapped.

Lyons sent her a patient glance. “Considering that she is one of the people who will be leading the charge in the assault, no, we could not wait. Knowledge of our strategy tomorrow is of utmost importance.”

Madison opened her mouth to tell him exactly where he could put his strategy, but Alex tugged on the hem of her lab coat.

“It’s all right. I’m still conscious, so I can sit in for this.”

“The fact that you aren’t passed out isn’t an excuse.”

“Really, I can handle sitting around and listening,” Alex assured her, tightening her arms around Madison’s waist. “Just stay like this for me, and I’ll be fine.”

The briefing continued as Madison obliged her, a burgeoning feeling of belonging present within her breast.

Once it concluded, Star Paladin Cross, another old friend of James’s, came over and offered to take Alex to the hospital for a medical checkup. Madison tried to volunteer her attendance as well, but Daniel Agincourt walked up at that moment to request her attention on some details of the purifier’s construction. Alex waved her off when she hesitated.

“Go on. I’ll come find you when I’m all patched up,” she declared, giving Madison a soft grin. “I’m just glad to see you again, Maddie.”

As Cross took Alex from her and led her to the exit, Madison could have sworn she had just been looking at Catherine’s smile.

x-x-x-x-x

Madison glanced up from the documents on her desk when someone knocked on her room door. The late evening hour blinked on the console to her left, but she felt little fatigue as she stood and padded to the entrance. When she opened the door, the sight of Alex standing there in her pajamas struck her with a strong sense of déjà vu. This exact scenario had happened before, in a different place, with a different person, many years ago.

The parallels proved nothing less than confounding.

“Could I come in?” Alex asked.

Madison’s heart skipped a beat. _Those words… the exact same intonation…_ “Yes.” She stood aside to allow the other woman entry.

Alex wandered inside and took a seat at the foot of the bed, mindful of the bandages peeking past her collar. Madison shut the door, watching her, trying to determine why this seemed like such a paradox. Something had changed while Alex had been gone. An unexplainable alteration, eerie yet intriguing.

“What’s with that look?” Alex questioned when Madison’s staring continued for nearly a minute.

“You just… seem a little different.”

Alex quirked an eyebrow, although a mischievous gleam entered her eye. “How so?”

“It’s as if you’re channeling Catherine in your mannerisms.”

“Well, considering that I might die tomorrow, I figured I’d give this one last shot,” Alex drawled. “What better way to raise my chances than to emulate the woman you loved so much?”

Madison frowned at her and strode forward to join her on the mattress. “That’s the strange part. You never knew her behaviors or mannerisms enough to be able to emulate them. But the accuracy is a little unsettling.”

“Maybe a part of her lives in me,” Alex remarked, growing somber as she reached out to tug a tendril of Madison’s straight long hair, which flowed past her shoulders, out of its usual bun. “Might explain why I fell for you at first sight.”

Madison gazed at the yearning in her expression, still dumbfounded over the twist of fate that had taken Catherine away, but given Alex in her place. “I really don’t understand that,” she said, facing to the side. “I’m old enough to be your mother. I was _with_ your mother as an intimate partner. I was there when you were born. I’m the one who named you. I’m the one who held you when Catherine died. Can you see why I can’t fathom a romantic relationship between us?”

Alex remained quiet for a while, seeming to digest her points. Then, lifting a hand to brush her knuckles over Madison’s cheek, she murmured, “Then why is it that every time you look at me, something in your face tells me you want me that way?”

Madison shook her head, refusing to take the bait. “You have a strong resemblance to your mother. I just see her in you. That’s all.”

“So how about you think of me as her? I’d be fine with that if it meant I could have you.”

“What you’re asking is to be a replacement,” Madison replied, pinning her with a fierce glare. “I would never do that to you.”

Alex edged closer, even more persistent than usual. “You know, maybe it’s time you moved on from her. She’s been gone for years. But I’m here. I’ve _been_ here. When will I be good enough?”

Madison sighed in exasperation, but her traitorous pulse raced when Alex’s knuckles traveled down her cheek and over her neck. “Just stop, Alex. It won’t work. We’re not meant for this.”

“You say that, but your breathing is hitched, your skin is flushed, and your eyes are closing just from me doing this,” Alex told her, running her fingertips over Madison’s shoulder under her tank top. “I don’t care about your age, I don’t care that you were with my mom, I don’t care that I first met you when I was an infant. I’ve grown up. I’m my own person. And I’m in love with you.”

Madison curled her fingers into the sheets when Alex shifted behind her and began kissing the back of her neck. Logic and reason flew out the window as latent desire stirred in her core. She tried in vain to dredge up a stern reprimand, grasping at nothing as her arsenal ran empty. Alex’s lips felt warm and soft against her skin, enticing her to give in to the spiraling haze.

In a last attempt at rationality, Madison said, “We may regret this later on.”

Alex only chuckled and reached around her to begin pulling off her top. “But we’re going to love it right now.”

Madison’s self-restraint snapped at that point. Losing herself to her carnal instincts, she turned and tackled Alex onto the mattress.

_Forgive me, Catherine._

x-x-x-x-x

She would never forget, never deny the lattice. Against her wishes, it had grown and caught her in its woven components. What was done was done, and she did not know whether she had passed or failed the trials. All she knew was that it all now hung by one.

One last trial.

A final test of the interlaced bonds.

Her fingers shook as she brought the radio’s microphone to her lips. “Alex?”

Static filled the other end, but Alex’s words carried over the interference. “Maddie! Is that you?”

“Alex, listen to me,” Madison began, trying to keep her voice from wavering. “The purifier has sustained extensive damage and become overloaded. It must be started now or it will self-destruct.”

Static. Silence from the two women standing on the other side, in the maw of danger.

“Did you hear me? Either you or Sentinel Lyons has to go in and start it.”

“The chamber is filled with radiation again,” came Alex’s hesitant response. “Whoever goes in might not come out.”

Madison shut her eyes and leaned her forehead against the radio. “I know.”

More static. More unspoken things that would never be said.

“Maddie… I did some digging from my dad a while back. About you and my mom.”

“Alexandra, this is not the time—”

“Hear me out. He said you proposed to her a long time before he did. She turned you down, but she didn’t completely cut you loose, either. Couldn’t commit, but couldn’t let go. He said she tried to split herself in two, and you were willing to settle for half. Why were you so in love with someone that selfish, Maddie?”

Madison swallowed the lump in her throat, sensing the frantic stares of her science team and the scribes behind her, but she allowed herself the moment of conversation, untimely as it was. “She was a free spirit,” she stated in a hushed tone. “When she gave a part of herself, there was never a guarantee that you would have it forever.”

She had already identified the stark differences by this point. Unlike Catherine, who could never make up her mind, Alex knew what she wanted, and she went for it. Madison admired that, would have appreciated it more if history and circumstances had been different.

A deep, shuddering breath issued from the radio.

Madison’s brow furrowed as her heart raced with dread. “Alex?”

There was a pause.

“I would have given all of myself to you, Maddie.”

The frequency cut off.

x-x-x-x-x

Sometimes, things worked out differently from how one wished or imagined. Regrets made up a substantial part of human life, no matter the period on the timeline of existence. Often, lessons were learned through mistakes and opportunities passed over. A typical person had one shot to make the choice they could live with or willingly die for. Many times, the offer of a second chance allowed people to clear the slate and correct it. Other times, they would take the chance to do it all over again.

But sometimes, when the latticework collided, second chances were just too complex to accept.

Madison gazed down at Alex’s unconscious form on the medical bed, listening to Elder Lyons describe the nature of her coma. On the next bed over, Sarah Lyons lay in the same comatose state. Both women seemed to be stable, their physiological readings indicating no permanent physical damage. Now all that remained to be seen was whether they would awaken.

“…So you may come and visit as you please, Dr. Li,” Lyons concluded. “If you find that anything changes with either of them, I ask that you let me know as soon as possible.”

She regarded Alex for a few seconds before shifting the pack on her shoulders. “I’m afraid that once I walk out those doors, I won’t be coming back to the Citadel.”

He paused, obviously taken aback. “You… are serious?”

Madison nodded, the pain flashing across her chest. “I’m just weary of the Capital, Lyons. And it’s… not a good idea for me to be around her.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“It’s not really something that is understandable.” Madison exhaled and reached out to stroke Alex’s curls for the last time. “I’m heading north. The Commonwealth is ripe with scientific prospects, I hear. If she wakes up and asks, you can let her know. But also let her know that I’m not coming back.”

Lyons scratched his head. “This seems a bit abrupt, but very well. I have a feeling that she will miss you terribly.”

Madison took a deep breath and rotated to walk toward the exit. “You can tell her I’ll miss her, too. But don’t tell her I love her.”

Minutes later, she emerged from the Citadel and headed due north on her own. The decision weighed on her spirit, but it also seemed the right one to make. When it came to Catherine and Alex, she couldn’t help feeling unfair to both. Distance was the only answer, but that wasn’t to say it had to be the last time they crossed paths.

_If our story isn’t over, you’ll find me, Alex._

One lattice she had laid to rest.

Another lattice she had left incomplete.

She chose to surrender both in order to find her freedom.

To become the vagabond she was always meant to be.


End file.
